My life often involves periods where I, erm, think! But the things I’m thinking I should actually be writing or I guess typing. During moments of slackness, that is laying in bed trying to sleep - possibly due to the neighbours bang, crashing or twitter bong-vibrating or when I am driving to work, sat on the tram, sat on the train or eating my lunch I start composing emails, tweets,  and even this blog in my head. This is rather bad when you think you have actually done it for real…..Which if you haven’t actually guessed I do. What is worse is this blog, that I am typing right now I wrote in my head lastnight it was brilliant witty and just bloody funny. Now as I listen to my internal monologue being created on the page it somehow seems a bit limp, flaccid, dull (yes I dare use those words).

I have emailed my friend Jo about 30 times in the past two years but found in reality I never hit send. That is the problem there is no send button in my head no wifi no way to move the great thing I had just thunk from my head to the screen. Yes I can type but I must get up turn on the PC, login, start programs - start typing and shit I’ve forgotten what was so great. Or I could start my phone start an Android app and start typing, even better and faster but bollocks when I read it back I find that I have actually posted something to do with voodoo or teenage rather than too and sleepage - spellchecked and corrected, NICE.

So I came up to a solution to this a few years back. I would using my phone record a transcript of the things I am thinking to type up later. BRILLIANT. Well actually no as I normally did it on my drive in to work which meant I recorded about an hour of the “sounds of the road” bump, M62 junction, bump M56 indicator Junction 11, etc, etc. In the very faint background you can hear the insane rantings of a midget in a box underground under an elephant with a gas issue. The midget not the elephant that is.

So how can I resolve this problem? The simple answer is I can not, I need scientists - they must build me a usb port or wifi connector for my brain so I can write and save where ever and when ever I need to. Get it done lads as I am greatly disappointed with this blog but lastnight I was going to win a bloody award for it.