….continued………….. (oops this got unscheduled and I did not reschedule it correctly - berk)

I should give a summary of what I’ve posted already. I won’t as it will make this even longer and if you are that bloody lazy then fuck you.

So the entertainment on the KLM plane was good, better, fantastic in fact. If we use Air France as a comparison which we can  not as it would be like gold and cheese which is both heavy and stinky. So TV good, films ok what about the food? This time there was no women bringing me a tiny card telling me how I would be eating baby quails or caviare instead when the food arrived I was asked “chicken” or “pasta” I think? I said chicken but the important point was I was asked and it was NOT FISH. I ate it was very nice then I continued to watch stuff in widescreen.

After a quick search through all the films and TV programs I hatched a plan that I would only watch films prefixed with the - “the”

  • The Messenger

  • The Wrestler

  • The Avatar (yes it is called “The Avatar” actually it was “The half of Avatar I did not see from the first flight”)

  • The From Paris with Love (sorry I had too just because I got to see France, Paris get shot up by mad Americans karmic payback)

So films were sorted, food was sorted I was somewhat more enjoying the flight than last time and Simba was pretending to sleep. Then a steward or stewardess came to my seat with a drink? What, they did not do this on Air France. They did not assume you may not be able to get up and get a drink without disturbing a hundred or so sleeping people on your row -YES plane seat rows in ECONOMY class are 100 people wide. Then another drink, then damn it all to hell I had a choice of ice cream or crackers with of course another drink. I can not believe that KLM was doing this to me, actually trying to make my flight pleasant.  Surely they should be hiding somewhere giving all the free stuff only to the Dutch people - if by analogy Air France was doing the same for the French?

Then we had another proper meal and finally we landed and got to get off the plane and to be honest KLM 1 Air France -2 (0 for being crap, -1 for being French, -1 for fish).

I will skip my rant about Schipol as I have little to rant about. I had time to meander about and ponder who buys the enormous cheese wheels? Do you know? But then I flew to Liverpool - John Lennon airport and I must say if you want to honour someone great from your region with an airport make sure when you put their name on it that you actually make it somewhere good, which Liverpool did not. Unlike Manchester Airport which is dead easy to get to and from by taxi, train and bus erm John Lennon has no train and the bus takes 20 minutes to the nearest train station or you can wait an hour to catch the next bus to Manchester. In short I flew from Schipol in Amsterdam to Liverpool, UK quicker than it took me to travel from Liverpool, UK to Manchester, UK. To get home I had to catch a bus, a train and finally a tram.

So the final score - KLM wins, John Lennon airport, Charles De Gal airport and Air France all SUCK monkeys and BA it is all your fault. Virgin you were tooooo expensive and I was scared I would get on the plane and find that there was no water, staff and that the shop was at the front or rear basically somewhere which would only be accessible by me claiming outside the plane to get to.

……the end.