No I don’t mean racist now do I? I mean species’est, no that isn’t right either BIRDEST? Well by now you and I have no idea what I am but let us explore the subject and together we will emerge with a greater understanding.
So I’ve been feeding the birds and no that is not a euphemism for having sex or sleeping with “the women”. To be precise I went out for a walk with some dried bread in my pocket. What bread in your pocket is that slang for drugs? No it was actual dried bread and again for clarity it was in a bag obviously. I did my intermediate walk not my long walk or my short-long walk simply because I didn’t want to go near the main road. _Why? _I don’t know to be honest I just didn’t fancy it. I did want someone to build a new bridge by the road bridge but one that cars would not be driving over and that I could walk across but that didn’t happen so instead I walked to a place and began feeding the birds.
And this is where we get to the racism part? Yes! You see I wanted to feed the swans. I don’t know why I wanted to feed the swans I just did and I didn’t have very much bread so I didn’t really want to be feeding other things with it. But saying that along my route to the place I did feed two geese and two ducks. So the swans were sort of over there doing stuff and I wanted to them to come to me so I could feed them. One noticed and very slowly started to paddle towards me and I guess this is how you tell they are a swan you see in half the time and twice the distance two new geese appeared and had made it to me before the arsing lazy swans had. In fact one swan took so long to arrive I was inclined to say well the two geese the two ducks and the arsing seagulls have eaten it mate - hard luck.
So here I was stood by the water one swan within throwing distance - so I threw some bread at it and two geese on my right so I threw some bread at them to slow them down. Then the ducks arrived and I made sure they got a little bit and at this point all had converged and the arsing second swan had graced us with its presence.
BUT now I had run out of bread, I told you I didn’t take very much out with me, and the seagulls had started picking up all the scraps the two swans, two geese and two ducks had not managed to find and or eat yet.
So whilst we are talking about it are they seagulls? I mean there is no sea around here so they should be landgulls or quaygulls or perhaps just gulls? I don’t know?
The racism come from the fact that I really went out of my way to feed the swans and not the gulls and that I really wanted them to eat the bread. I was ok with the geese and the ducks but I wasn’t with the gulls. That is it I don’t like gulls. I don’t know how I am going to look myself in the mirror anymore. Worse still is that really the swans couldn’t give a fuck that I walked especially to the swan area to feed them. So for future reference. Swans - maybe, ducks and geese definitely gulls NO.
Also during my walk I observed a man on a long wire being dragged across one of the quays. The odd thing being that I was more interested in the engineering and electric motor being used than the man eventually falling off at the other end. That and making it to the swan feeding area. Bloody swans. This new man on a wire thing means that a lot of the bird life have been displaced out of the quay area where they used to be and now reside in different areas including, but not exclusively, the quay near my apartment. This makes no difference as it is rarely a swan area. But form now on I don’t care - life lesson learnt. Feed the birds you want to feed on your way to the places you want to go to and don’t make a special trip just for selfish swans especially don’t save your bread for the swans who are too arsing lazy to swim to you to actually eat it. I guess it is all the hanging with the queen that does it you see makes all the swans elitist and there way I buying into their bloody ego trip. NEVER AGAIN!